


Remember When You'd Sing, Just For the Love of It?

by rage_quitter



Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: F/F, Happy Ending, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-15 11:09:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18072314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rage_quitter/pseuds/rage_quitter
Summary: She woke up in the cold with no name but the one tattooed on her arm. Even with everyone telling her not to look, she needed to know.





	Remember When You'd Sing, Just For the Love of It?

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for the title hozier!  
> Also called: where a civilian and a guardian fall in love but then the civilian dies. and then the civilian gets resurrected as a guardian with only their lover's name tattooed on their body and try to find out who it is.

It was snowing when she took her first breath. 

She’d fallen asleep in the snow? Outside? How silly of her, she might get ill, she should--

What should she do?

“Hello?”

It wasn’t her voice, but soft, inquisitive. She blinked open her eyes. A little drone floated by her head, a light sky blue, its eye glowing as it looked down at her.

“Hello,” she replied, and pushed herself upright. She looked down. She was wearing simple clothes, patches of armor. “Why am I in the snow? Did I fall asleep here?”

“Not exactly,” the drone said, almost hesitant. It sounded like a male voice. 

“I’m sorry… I think I’m a little ill. I’m having trouble remembering anything.” She frowned. “What are you, exactly?”

“I’m a Ghost,” it, he, said. “Your Ghost, actually.”

“Ghost? That sounds a little ominous, doesn’t it?”

“Well… this might be confusing and scary, but please don’t panic.”

She nodded, watching the Ghost intently. 

“You were dead,” he told her. “And I brought you back.”

“Oh,” she said. She blinked. “I was dead?”

“Yes. I’ve looked for you for a long time.”

“Who was I? Is that why I can’t remember anything?”

“I’m sorry, yes. You won’t remember. I don’t know, either. All we know is that we need to find our Guardians.”

“A Guardian…” She hummed. “What does that mean?”

“The Traveler picked you to help defend the Light.”

“Oh! Wow… me?” She brushed snow from her leg. “Am I special?”

The Ghost laughed a little. “You are!”

“So what do you do, little Ghost?”

“All sorts of things to help you. I can bring you back to life if you die, heal you if you are hurt or sick, help you channel the Light…”

“Amazing,” she murmured. “You can do all of that? What does it mean to channel the Light?”

“It might be hard, since you’re just resurrected, but you’ll be able to wield the Light as a weapon against the Darkness. You’ll have special powers.”

“That’s amazing!” She stared with eyes sparkling like the snow at the little machine. “What do we do now?” She paused. “Are you also my friend, too?”

He spun his shell. “I hope I can be!” he said, sounding pleased. “We should go to the City. That’s where everyone is. We can get equipment, meet other Guardians, start training.”

“Alright. Is it far?”

“It’s… yes, it’s pretty far,” he said, deflating a little. “And you’re going to get sick if you’re out here in the cold much longer.”

She got to her feet and swept off the snow from her armor. “Maybe we should find some shelter for now until it stops snowing,” she suggested. “I know I’ve rested for a very long time, but it I don’t think it’s a good idea to just start walking around in the snow.”

“Probably not. Here, there was a little building this way! It’s not great, but it’s better than nothing. Also… I’m glad you’re not panicking about this.” He laughed, somewhere between relieved and nervous. “Other Ghosts told me their Guardians got into a lot of trouble as soon as they woke up!”

She laughed a little, too. “Well, you seem a very sweet fellow, so I’m happy to listen.”

She followed after the Ghost. Maybe it hadn’t set in yet, but it was also a little confusing to think about. She couldn’t really believe it… she’d been dead, but now she wasn’t. Without anything to remember, it didn’t really feel real. 

But Ghost was very nice, and she was starting to shiver.

She settled inside. It seemed like a ramshackle house, something cobbled together as a shelter in the snow for hunters, perhaps. 

“There’s a little wood still here,” Ghost said, hovering near a little pit in the middle of the building. “Maybe we can start a fire?”

“How can we do that?” she asked.

“Try using your Light,” Ghost said. “Um… think about fire, really hard!”

She laughed. “Is that how it works?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I’ve never had a Guardian. I’m still learning, too.”

“Is it like… magic?” she asked. “The Light?”

“I guess that’s a way to think about it, yes.”

“Hmm…” She sat down beside the pit and stared hard at the wood. It felt a little silly, but she tried anyway. What did fire feel like? It was warm… like the warmth of the Ghost’s gentle kindness… she would like to feel that, but bigger--

“Oh!” Ghost looped around her as the wood smoldered. “You’re doing it!”

She grinned. The little embers began to grow, and she reached closer to feel the warmth. As she grew familiar with the feeling, it grew more, and she withdrew to let the fire start to flicker and chase the chill away. “I did!”

“How did you do that?” he asked, amazed.

“I thought about you, Ghost!” she said. “I figured that, well, maybe if I think about warmth, I can make fire appear. So… you’re my friend, and that’s a warm feeling.”

“You’re going to be a wonderful Guardian,” he said proudly. “I already know!”

She smiled. “I hope so!”

She curled up by the fire, watching it flicker. Ghost hovered beside her.

They stayed quiet for a while. Finally, Ghost spoke. “Are you okay, Guardian? I know it’s a lot to take in.”

“It is. But… I think it’s okay.”

“You’re not scared or anything?” He sounded worried.

“A little,” she admitted. “Fighting sounds scary. The Darkness, too. But if I was chosen, and I have these powers, and I have you…”

“I’ll be here for you,” he promised.

She smiled at him. “Do you have a name? Or is Ghost your name?”

“A lot of Ghosts just go by Ghost, but others have names. I haven’t thought of one, but you can give me one, if you want. You should think of one, too.”

“Hmm… I should.” She tapped her chin. “I’ll give you one, first! You’re a very pretty shade of blue. Should I call you after something blue?”

The way he ducked in the air seemed almost bashful. It was adorable. 

“What are some things that are blue… maybe some kind of flower? Like springtime, bringing life in the snow!”

He laughed. “I think that’s fine! I like flowers.”

“Cornflower is a little silly… Lobelia is okay… I like Forget-Me-Nots, but that might be long for a name! I suppose that could be shortened.”

“I like it,” Ghost said.

“Because I can’t remember my past… but now I can learn all new things to remember,” she said. “Is that okay? I can call you Nots for short?”

He spun his shell. “I like it!” he said again. “It’s unique! I think other Ghosts will be jealous that you put so much thought into it.”

She laughed. “Then that’s your name! I guess you can change it later if you want to, of course. Nothing’s set in stone, and I want you to be happy!”

“I’m happy with any name you want to give me,” Nots said. “What about you?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “Will no one else know who I was?”

“I don’t know,” Nots admitted. “Maybe, but I don’t know how long you were dead. And Guardians aren’t really supposed to look into their pasts…”

“Oh,” she said. “I guess that might be painful, too… since people who knew us, know we died, and we won’t remember them…”

“I’m sorry,” Nots murmured. 

“It’s alright. I can make new friends.” She smiled gently at him. “I think I need a little time to think of a name. I know a lot more flowers than names!”

“You kept that knowledge?” He seemed impressed. “Huh. I heard that some Guardians kept some information that was important to them. Maybe you were a gardener, or something?”

“I like the thought of that.” She hummed and scratched at a little itch on her arm. “Did you make this armor, or did I die in this?”

“Both,” he answered. “The armor, I made, but the clothes underneath were already on you.”

“It’s damp.” She wrinkled her nose. “The snow melted. Is it okay if I take off some of it to dry? It’s warm in here.”

“It’s fine,” he assured. He laughed. “Don’t worry about it being weird! I’m your Ghost! I kind of have to know every cell of you already.”

She laughed, too, and started pulling off her armor. She laid the pieces out on the floor to start drying in the warmth of the fire. She tugged off her shirt and hung it on the wall, and paused when she looked down. “Hey, what’s this?”

Nots twitched his shell. “A tattoo?”

“Did you give me this?”

“No, it was already part of you.”

She angled her arm to look at the script written into her flesh. “Raela? A name?”

“It sounds like it.”

“Well, it can’t be my name, right? Why would I get my own name tattooed?” She hummed and frowned at it. “Was that someone I loved?”

“Guardian…” Nots said, hesitantly.

“I know, I know… they would think I’m dead… but…” She ran her fingers over it. Raela. “They must have been important. I… I won’t go out of the way to look for them, Nots, don’t worry, but… maybe… we can see if anyone knows them, though?”

“I don’t know…”

“Please?” she begged. She was dying to know who Raela was. “Maybe they can tell me more about who I was. Maybe we can be friends now, too!”

“Maybe,” Nots said, but sounded uncertain. “We should focus on getting you to the Tower, first.”

“Okay.” She nodded. “Tower first.”

  
*****  
  


The City was huge.

“Welcome to the Tower, Guardian,” Kamyar-7 said cheerfully as he transmatted beside her. The Titan had been kind enough to give her a ride to the City when he found her wandering after Nots pinged his Ghost. “You’re gonna wanna go see the Speaker. To the left, Tower North, you can’t miss it. And Ikora, she’s straight ahead and down the stairs in the Hall of Guardians. They can get you set up.”

“Wow,” she murmured. “There are so many Guardians…”

He laughed. “Yup. Lots, and more show up every day. You’ll fit right in, don’t worry. I’ve gotta go talk to Zavala, but I’m sure I’ll see you around.”

“Hold on, wait,” she said quickly before he could stride off. “Um… I’m just wondering… if you know anyone by the name Raela?”

“Raela? Nah, doesn’t sound familiar. Sorry.”

“Oh. That’s okay! Thanks.”

“Someone you’re looking for?”

“Yes, but I… don’t know anything else but their name.”

“Huh.” He looked thoughtful. “Might be worth talking to the Speaker about it? Or the Cyptarchs? Hell, maybe Cayde, the Hunters are good at finding people.”

“Okay. I might! Thank you so much.”

Kamyar saluted and headed off.

She lingered a little bit, taking in everything. A few other Guardians waved to her as they passed, going every which way. A pair of Guardians were sitting on an upper rail with drinks and a map, and another three were dancing to music playing from a Ghost. It felt… so comfortable, she thought. 

She felt a little bit dazed as she went to the left. The Speaker was, as Kamyar had said, easy to find. He was soft spoken and kind, welcoming her with a calm joy. He spoke for the Traveler, he told her, and laughed when she asked him to thank it for gifting her with Light. 

“You can tell it yourself,” he told her. “It might be listening.”

“It’s been asleep a long time, hasn’t it?” she said, glancing toward it through the window.

“Yes,” he replied. “A very long time. We are all that stands before it, to protect it against all that would threaten its Light.”

She squared her shoulders. “I’ll do everything I can,” she promised.

He pressed a slip into her hands. “You’ll need to fight,” he warned. “But you need a weapon first. Take this to Banshee, in the courtyard. He can give you something. And then, you should speak with Ikora Rey.”

She nodded. “Thank you, Speaker.”

She found Banshee easily, and thanked him for the pulse rifle he handed her. It seemed like a smile on his face, distracted as he was. 

“It’s hard for him to remember things anymore,” Nots murmured as they made their way to Ikora. “The more an exo reboots, the more their memories start getting… weird. Jumbled up and missing. He’s the best gunsmith in the City, though.”

“He seems nice,” she said. “Everyone does. I like it here.”

“I’m glad,” Nots said, sounding pleased. 

There were three people at the big table in the Hall of Guardians. At the far end, an Awoken man, clearly a Titan by his armor and broad shoulders, was speaking quietly to Kamyar, to her pleasant relief. On one side, an exo in a cloak looked half asleep over a map until his Ghost nudged him awake. Nearest to her, though, was a woman in long violet robes, who turned when she slowly walked in.

“Ah, hello, Warlock,” said the woman. There was a small smile on her face. “You’re new, aren’t you?”

She nodded. 

The woman gestured for her to approach. “I’m Ikora. The Warlock Vanguard. Your mentor. Has anyone else shown you around yet?”

“A little,” she said. “That Titan, actually.”

Kamyar glanced over and gave a quick wave.

Ikora nodded her thanks to him. “You have a lot to learn, but I will be here to guide you,” she said. 

Before she left, after her instructions from Ikora on starting her training, she hesitated and approached the exo. “Um… are you Cayde?”

“The one and only,” he replied with a bright smile. “How can I help?”

She kept her voice quiet. “Someone told me I should ask you this?”

He looked curious, and a little more serious, too. “Okay. Let’s hear it, Warlock,” he said, matching her tone.

“I… I’m looking for someone,” she murmured. “But I only know their name.”

“Only have a name?” He seemed uncertain. “Why’re you looking for a name?”

She tapped her arm. “I was resurrected with a name, here.”

“A tattoo? Huh. Yeah, it happens.” Cayde shrugged. “I’m not sure what I can do to help you, kiddo. Might be easier to forget about it, ‘cause they’re probably dead.”

“Oh,” she said softly.

“I know, I’m sorry.” He did look apologetic. “It’s rough. I mean, I guess, keep the name in your head? If they’re gone, you can still carry on that memory, right? Even if you don’t remember, you’ve got that.”

“I… suppose you’re right, yes.”

“That’s the spirit.” He smiled. “It’ll be okay. I know the curiosity, it can just get to you, but… yeah, ain’t an easy thing. Don’t let it get to you too much. Especially ‘cause you’re young. You got the whole world waitin’ for you, Warlock.”

She was smiling as she left, despite the little uncertainty she felt. 

“Hey!” Kamyar’s voice said, and she turned to see him jog after her. “How’s everything going so far?”

“I like it here,” she said. “Everyone’s really nice.”

“Yeah, most Guardians are pretty good,” he agreed. “We’re all here to keep humanity safe and protect the Traveler, y’know?”

She nodded. 

“I’m going out to patrol near the Cosmodrome tomorrow, if you wanna come with,” he offered. “I’m not a Warlock, but I can at least show you the ropes.”

“Sure,” she agreed. “What’s the Cosmodrome?”

“Big old junkyard at this point,” Kamyar said. “It used to be used to make and launch spacecraft, in the Golden Age. It’s mostly home to the Fallen House of Devils now.”

“You were telling me about them,” she said with a little frown. “Why are they so aggressive?”

“Dunno,” he said. “They think we stole the Traveler from them, or something. They’ve been real nasty for centuries, even before the City was around. And now they keep stealing all our Golden Age stuff, which isn’t great, either.”

“It doesn’t sound great.” She hummed. “Can we just try talking to them instead of fighting?”

He laughed. “If you can find one willing to sit and talk instead of stabbing you in the throat, it would be a miracle. By all means, be my guest, but make sure your Ghost is on standby for rez just in case.”

“There’s probably at least one, right?” she said, thoughtful, tapping her fingers to her chin. “If there are so many--oh! Sorry!”

Kamyar helped her reach out to steady the civilian she’d nearly run into. “It’s okay!” the civilian said, a little harried. 

“Do you need help?” she asked. “Oh, are these zinnias? They’re beautiful!”

The civilian brightened. “They are! We’re working on bringing a little color to the Tower since it’s springtime.”

Kamyar chuckled. “You wanna stay and help?”

“Is that okay?” she asked.

“Yeah, go ahead! I gotta meet up with my fireteam, but I’ll ping you tomorrow for patrol.”

She grinned and reached out to take the flat of zinnias. The civilian sighed in relief and adjusted his grip on the handle of the tool cart he was pulling. “Thanks, Guardian,” he said. 

“I’m happy to help!” she said. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Kamyar.”

He saluted and strode off. She smiled at the gardener. “Where are we taking these?” she asked. 

“Over here,” he answered. She followed him to a patch of grass by the Eververse building. “You’re sure you want to help me plant flowers? You don’t have… hm, I don’t know. World saving things?”

“I like flowers,” she said. “And… I mean, it’s not all world-saving and stuff, right? We can make things that much better right from here. The little things. A few flowers might not be the difference between life and death, but it can bring a smile to someone’s face. A… a little reminder of what we’re protecting, on Earth. Right?”

The gardener laughed. “You’ve got a good point, Guardian. That’s real sweet of you.”

“And I’m not too special to help plant some flowers!” she said, setting down the flat and accepting the gloves and trowel handed to her. “Ghost or not, it’s good to work together, and make the world more beautiful.”

He knelt beside her to start digging with his own trowel.

As they worked, she started humming, not really realizing it at first until he hummed along. When she started to sing, and he sang with her, his tone a little off but smiling nonetheless, she felt some little pang in her chest. It wasn’t a song she thought she’d heard before, but she knew words, the melody, and he knew it too.

“You’ve got a really nice voice,” he said after a little bit, mixing fertilizer with the soil.

“It’s good to sing to flowers,” she said. “They grow bigger.”

“Is that so?” he asked.

“Mhm.” She nodded and carefully worked the roots of one of the plants. 

“Where’d you hear that?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “But it can’t hurt them, either, right?”

“Good point.”

“You sang, too,” she added.

“Yeah.” He chuckled. “It’s habit, I guess. Lotta the other gardeners do, too. I don’t usually, with Guardians around.”

“Why?”

“I’m not a great singer.”

“So what?” she said. 

He looked at her and blinked.

“It doesn’t matter if you can sing like an angel or miss every beat, as long as it makes you happy. Anyone can do what they want if it makes them happy, right?”

“That’s… a really nice way of thinking about it.”

She smiled. “I think that’s one of the reasons the Traveler chose us. We just… make so many wonderful things and do so many wonderful things, just to make ourselves and other people happy. Not for anything spectacular or grand, just… because we like to bring joy to the universe in the little things that we do.”

He looked a little contemplative. “I think you’ve got a real good theory on that. At least, it’s one I like. Sometimes you Guardians really surprise me.”

She held out a zinnia to him. “Thank you for letting me help you,” she said. “And for singing with me.”

He took the plant to nestle it into the soil. “Anytime, Guardian. Do you know any other songs?”

She grinned. “I don’t know! Can you teach me some?”

“Absolutely,” he agreed with a smile.   
  


*****

“Raela?”

She stopped and looked up.

“Yeah, can’t say I know anyone by the name,” the voice continued. It was a Titan, talking to a Warlock whose face she couldn’t see. “Sorry, pal. Who is it?”

The Warlock’s voice was too soft to hear easily. She started forward toward them and froze as she got into earshot. “...tattoo, when I was revived.” 

The Warlock held out her arm and tapped her forearm. 

“Huh. Well, if you think it’s someone from your first life, I’d recommend forgetting them, if I were you,” the Titan said, sympathetic. “Chances are, they’re probably dead. Sorry.”

“Oh. I… I did think that,” said the Warlock. 

“There are places to get tattoos removed in the City,” the Titan suggested. “I know a couple other Guardians who got stuff removed that they had before they got rezzed.”

“I… might. Thank you.”

“Good luck, Warlock.” The Titan smiled and strode off.

The Warlock turned to her Ghost. She looked a little sad. “I don’t want to give up yet,” she said softly.

“I know,” her Ghost replied. “But I don’t want you to get hurt, Guardian.”

She put her hand over her arm.

The Hunter tightened her teeth and kept walking. Just keep going, move on, she told herself. 

“Oh! Um, excuse me, Hunter?”

She stopped.

“I’m looking for someone, um, do you think you could help me?”

“Who is it?” she asked, and cringed internally at the tone of her own voice.

The Warlock shrank back a little bit. “Um, I… I’m not sure, exactly, I just… know their name. It’s, um, Raela. I… someone I knew in my first life, I think, I… have their name tattooed on my arm…”

She couldn’t look at the Warlock. “Raela?”

“Yeah.”

Don’t say anything, she told herself. But the words were already coming out of her mouth. “Sounds familiar.”

The Warlock brightened, and she felt like she would throw up. “Really?”

“Mhm. Still. Never a good idea lookin’ for ghosts, Warlock.”

“Raela’s a Ghost?”

She wanted to laugh, and it made her feel worse. “No, no. Not a literal Ghost. The hypothetical kind. The haunting kind. It’ll just hurt.” She tightened her hands. “Trust me, it hurts real bad.”

“I… I want to know.”

“I don’t think you do,” she said. “You seem… sweet. You want advice from a bitter old Hunter, you get that tattoo removed, and you forget that name.”

“You… won’t help me?” She sounded so, so sad.

“I can’t help you.” Every word tasted like bitter ash. “Another lesson. You can’t help everyone. Even those who matter most.” She took a deep breath. “I gotta go.”

  
*****  
  


She watched the Hunter leave.

“Guardian?” Nots asked softly.

She hugged her arms over herself. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No, not at all!” he said. “Sometimes… Guardians are still people, you know, and… sometimes Guardians loose people. And it hurts. I’d guess that Hunter tried to do what you’re doing, looking into her past.”

“Oh,” she murmured. “But she… she might know who Raela is.”

“I don’t think she’ll help in the way you want her to,” Nots said. “She might be trying to help you in a different way. Save you from whatever heartache she has.”

She stared after her as she vanished into the crowd.

“Come on, Guardian,” Nots said, nudging her. “Kamyar invited us to join his fireteam to watch a Crucible game tonight. We should get ready.”

She moved in a bit of a haze. Nots, fortunately, helped guide her along. Other Guardians were quite understanding and friendly, too. Everyone was so nice. 

“Hey, hey, Warlock!” Kamyar’s voice caught her attention. She looked up to see the Titan striding forward with a few other Guardians behind him, talking and joking. “How you doin’?”

She smiled. “I’m alright, thank you! How are you?”

He laughed. “Doin’ great. Hey, guys, this is that Warlock I found wandering around Old Russia the other day.”

The other Guardians greeted her, just as friendly as he was. 

“Still no name yet?” he asked.

“Not yet,” she said, a little shy. “Nothing seems to fit.”

“Hey, it’s fine, take your time, kiddo,” he said. “Name’s a big deal. It took Sasha like, two months to pick one.”

Another Titan stuck her tongue out at him. “Not all of us get to remember ours,” she said.

“I didn’t remember mine,” a Hunter, an exo, said.

“You remembered your name?” she asked Kamyar. 

“Yep, vaguely. Exos sometimes remember some stuff, sort of.” He shrugged. “It’s complicated. We’ve got weird brains.”

“Maybe you do,” the Hunter joked. “C’mon, we’re gonna miss the game!”

Kamyar shook his head, but gestured for her to follow them. 

It was a lounge, rather than a bar. She was grateful for that. She’d walked past a rowdy bar the night before during a Crucible game, and thought it seemed exciting, the shouting nearly scared her out of her wits. This was more relaxed, with big tables and comfortable booths. 

“Do you drink?” the Hunter, Niu-3, asked her. “I’ll cover yours, if you want. You probably don’t have much Glimmer yet.”

“I, um. I haven’t had alcohol yet,” she admitted.

“Oh! Well, hey, let me buy your first, hon!” She grinned bright. “And, hey, if you don’t like it, don’t feel bad.”

“She’s so adamant about that,” Sasha said with a chuckle. “That’s what happened with me, actually, she bought me my first drink and I haaated it! Still drank it, though, ‘cause I felt bad that she spent Glimmer on me.”

“I’ve got more than enough to spare. Know what? Whole first round’s on me.” The Hunter beamed at the celebratory exclamations. 

Niu ordered something light for her after watching her stare overwhelmed at the options for a minute. She sat and listened to them talk about things--past strikes, upcoming patrols, enemy movements, the new ramen shop. They talked so easily with each other, and they weren’t trying to exclude her. They asked her things every now and then. “How did your patrol go?” Great, she learned how to make solar grenades! “So you’re a Sunsinger! I’ve seen them bring themselves back to life!” That sounded amazing! What else could Guardians do? “Ask Kamyar to show you his Ward of Dawn sometime! It’s stood up to Cabal artillery!”

She could feel the excitement bubble as the screens of the lounge started to switch to the Crucible game, showing overheads of the arena and slowly going over the twelve Guardians combating in the game. She listened a bit idly, attention wandering as she lifted her glass, when--

“Raela Rose, Bladedancer extraordinair, a master of stealth, but a bit of a glass cannon!” Lord Shaxx’s voice said as a Hunter was shown. Soft red and purple armor, her hair nearly as violet as her glowing eyes. She was beautiful, in a wild sort of way. 

She sat bolt upright.

That was her.

That was the Hunter.

“Whoa, hey, hold on,” Kamyar cautioned.

“But… but she…”

“You can’t know if that’s her,” he said.

“I… I saw her earlier. I talked to her…”

“Who is she?” Sasha asked.

She pulled up her sleeve to show the tattoo on her arm. “I was revived with this,” she said.

Niu gently grasped her wrist to peer at the tattoo for a moment before patting her on the arm in sympathy. “That’s always rough, sweetie,” she said.

“I… talked to her earlier, though… I was asking if anyone knew that name, and I asked her as she was walking by… she said the name was familiar, but… but she told me… that it wasn’t a good idea to keep looking…” She sat back, hands moving to her face. She was reeling. 

“If it’s the same Raela…” Niu looked sad. “I’m sorry, honey, she probably moved on after you died. You’re not the same person she would have known.”

“I know you want to know,” Sasha said, “but it’s better if you don’t. For you and for her.”

She nodded, biting her lip. “I understand.”

Niu looped an arm around her and gave her a squeeze. “It’ll be okay, I promise! Being a new Guardian is tough, and you’ve got an even tougher problem. But everything will turn out fine. We’re Guardians, after all.”

She smiled a little. “Thank you.”

Kamyar grinned back at her. “And we’ve got your back. That’s what Guardians do. That, and waste hundreds of live rounds in death-games with each other.” He nodded to the screens. “Game’s gonna start soon.”

She sat up a little more to pay attention.

  
*****  
  


Raela didn’t see her for a week. She could’ve almost forgotten, maybe. 

She stopped dead in the middle of the courtyard.

She was by the big tree, with her Ghost and a civilian worker. She was helping plant flowers at the base of the tree. She was smiling, laughing at something the civilian was saying. She handled the flowers with more practiced ease than a new Guardian usually would.

Raela turned and made for the railing. She grasped it tightly, looking out over the City, and thought hard about jumping over. She’d just make a scene, though, she knew it. 

“Guardian,” a voice said.

“Not now,” she hissed.

“Guardian, come on,” he said, more firm this time. 

“You know we can’t,” she growled at her Ghost. “It hurts bad enough.”

He huffed and did an agitated loop around her. “I know! I care about her, too, you know. But Rae… she’s been looking for you since she woke up.”

“She doesn’t know it’s me,” Raela said. “And it’s better if she doesn’t. She should become her own person. Her own Guardian.”

“Do you know how many Guardians she’s asked about you? I’ve been checking the network. Everyone she talks to, she’s asked. No matter how many other Guardians tell her not to keep looking, she hasn’t stopped.”

“So?”

“She has a chance that almost no other Guardian gets,” he said, settling in front of her. “So do you.”

“But that’s not her.”

“She seems like her.”

“Yeah, but… Jez… I held her as she died.” Raela’s voice broke. “And now she’s sitting fifty feet away. And she doesn’t remember anything about me.”

“It’s going to hurt you more if you don’t talk to her,” Jez said. “I know all the rules, and the advice, and whatever, but that’s not going to help you. You’ve been miserable! You tanked that Crucible game! It’s going to eat at you until you go crazy.” 

“I’m fine,” she lied. “I want her to have a good life, and become her own person. I… really, I’m not surprised she’s a Guardian… she was always so bright.”

Jez’s eye shifted.

Raela tensed. Slowly, she turned around.

She was there. A small distance, but watching. Listening. 

Raela was much more seriously considering the ramifications of jumping off. 

“Hi,” she said, soft, shy. “Raela.”

She swallowed. It hurt to look at her. “Um… hey.”

“I… I don’t want to… be rude, or anything,” she said, twisting her fingers together in front of her. She used to do that, when she was nervous. “I just…”

“You… heard that, then,” she said.

“A bit of it,” she said. 

“Yeah.” Raela took a deep breath. “But… enough. Right.”

“I… you don’t have to, you know. Tell me anything. I… I know it must hurt. And I’m sorry.”

She winced. “Please don’t say you’re sorry. You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

She still looked… guilty.

Raela felt her heart break. She wiped at her eyes and shook her head. “If you want to know, I’ll tell you,” she said. She could hear the waver in her own voice. “But not here. There’s a spot in Tower North.”

She followed her. Raela could tell even without looking. The spot was secluded, overlooking the City, a little cautious walking along the wall. She sat down with her legs through the railing and waited for her to sit down, too.

Raela was quiet for a few long moments before finally speaking. “We met a long time ago. Fifty years ago. You were a gardener here. The best of them all. I was new, just barely got here. I took a lot of time to sit in the gardens, trying to figure things out, watched everyone work. You were the only one who took any time to talk to me. You’d sing as you gardened, and I’d listen. I started bringing you flowers from everywhere I went. I… you… I didn’t know what was more beautiful, you or the flowers.

“We’re not supposed to have relationships with civilians. And I learned why the hard way. We were together for fifteen years. I’d even taken you out a few times, out of the City, to show you all sorts of places. And… it was my fault. I found a place I wanted to show you. We stopped in Russia for just a day, there was another Guardian who sent out an emergency call. Pinned down by Devils. I… came back to the ship… the Devils found you.”

Raela shuddered. “You still sang to me. While you were dying. Told me… told me you were okay that you didn't get to see what I wanted to show you. 'Cause you'd had me. Told me to keep planting flowers for you. And you'd live on in them. I… couldn't save you. You died in my arms.”

She was quiet. Raela couldn’t look at her. She kept seeing her face, bloody and mauled, still trying to smile at her. Still heard her broken voice trying to sing to her. 

“Where was it?”

Raela glanced toward her in confusion.

“The place you wanted to show me.”

Raela wiped at her eyes again, but the burning didn’t go away. “I found this… this place, they grew flowers, in the Golden Age. All the flowers went crazy after, but it’s still so pretty.”

She tapped her fingers against her knee. Thinking. She did that, too, tapping her fingers to a beat in her head as she thought. Against her leg, her tools, her chin. “What did I sing?”

“Anything you thought of. Songs you heard, songs you made up. You said that singing to the flowers made them grow faster and bigger.”

“It’s true,” she said.

Raela almost smiled. 

“I… I am sorry,” she said softly. “I’m not sure I’m the same person, or anything like that…”

Raela shook her head. “You can be anyone you want to be.”

“Can I… can I maybe… start over?”

Raela looked at her with her brow knit.

“With you,” she clarified. She was nervous now, twisting her fingers together, that little duck of her head. “To get to know you? Again, I think?”

Raela blinked and sat up a little straighter. “You… you don’t have to. Just because we were… together… before, you don’t need to…”

“Maybe I want to,” she blurted. Her face flushed, sun-lined brown skin hued rose. “I’ve been looking for you, and… and… I didn’t know what to expect, but… I’m not disappointed, or anything, not at all. And it, I, it’s not just because you know who I was, or because I feel… obligated, or anything. I’m… you’re… cute.”

Raela couldn’t stop a laugh--a giggle, nearly, she realized, but couldn’t find any embarrassment. “You think I’m cute?”

“You are!” She was definitely blushing as she said it. “And I saw you in the Crucible game the other day…”

Raela winced. “I played really bad. I was distracted.”

“I thought you did great. Maybe I just don’t know what to look for, but… isn’t it just a game?”

“Training, really, but yeah.”

“So it’s just for fun! And you looked really cool, too.”

She laughed. “You think so?”

“Absolutely!” She was grinning. “I’ve never seen a Bladedancer. That’s kind of funny, I think… I’m a Sunsinger.”

“I thought so,” Raela said. “You always felt… just… warm. Being around you was warm. Like you had this little sun in your pocket, bursting with it. You were always so happy and positive…”

“I think I’m still that way,” she said. “That’s why I didn’t give up looking for you. I just… hoped. I hoped that Raela would be alive, and would remember me, and want to be… friends, at least.” 

She hummed and crossed her arms on the railing in front of her. She took a minute to finally, really look at her. Her soft round features, her dark eyes bright, her long thick hair tied with a yellow ribbon. She still looked… like her. A little younger, maybe, restored by Light. There was a scar on her face, from the corner of her eye to her chin. 

Raela didn’t realize she’d moved until she saw her own hand reaching for her face. She hesitated. “You have a scar,” she murmured. 

“I don’t know where it came from.”

“The Fallen. When they killed you.”

“Oh,” she said.

Raela’s hand was shaking. 

“Are… you okay?”

“I… I don’t know,” she said. “You’re her, but you’re also… not. And I don’t know how to feel. She’s still dead.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Raela swallowed and blinked away more tears. 

Slowly, she let her hand come to rest on her face. She was soft, warm, alive. 

“I… I do think I want to get to know you,” Raela said softly. “It’s not the same, but I don’t think it has to be.”

She smiled and reached her own hand to cover Raela’s. “I’m still pretty new to things,” she said. “There’s not much ‘me’ to know yet.”

“Oh, don’t be so sure! Just because you don’t remember much doesn’t mean you don’t have a personality as bright as sunlight.”

She laughed. Sky help her, she loved the way she laughed. Her fingers curled over Raela’s wrist. “Can I ask something?”

“Sure.”

“What’s my name?”

“You… didn’t pick one?”

“No,” she said. “Nothing’s fit yet. But maybe what it was will now?”

Raela drew back her hand and slowly began to roll up her sleeve.

Her warm fingers brushed Raela’s arm, gentle, to read the name inked into her skin. 

“Savita?”

Raela nodded. “You told me it means sun.”

“I… I like it. I think it fits.” She smiled and let her thumb run over the name on Raela’s arm. “It’s different handwriting.”

“Yours.”

“So mine is in yours?”

Raela nodded.

“It’s beautiful. It fits you.”

Raela felt a little choke in her throat. “Thanks.”

Savita looked at her for a few seconds. “You’re sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I’ll be fine. It’s just… a lot. Love of my life comes back from the dead, just like I did, but she doesn’t remember anything…”

“You can tell me them, if you want to. And… we can make new memories. Maybe I’m not quite the same Savita that you knew, but…”

“But you’re the same soul,” Raela said softly. “I really did think you had it in you to be a Guardian. You were so bright, like I could feel your Light before you had it. So sweet, and kind, in everything you did, you made everything feel so much warmer, so much softer, so much brighter. I still feel that… but more, now. Your Light.”

Savita flushed again, pretty as the roses she’d loved, the roses Raela named herself after.

Raela took her hand, letting their fingers knit in the familiar way they hadn’t in three decades. “I have patrol tomorrow. If you want to come with me.”

“Of course,” Savita agreed easily.

“We’ll show those Devils they made a big mistake.”

Savita chuckled and squeezed her hand. “Is it morbid of me to say maybe I should thank them? I’m a Guardian now, after all. I can fight to protect people. I can fight by your side.”

“Hmm…” Raela shrugged. “I don’t know yet. Gallows humor is fine. Well earned, I think.” She shook her head. “It’s a shame there aren’t many flowers in the Cosmodrome… but… would you want to see it? The place I found?”

“I’d love to,” Savita said, the same thing she’d said before.

Raela drew her hand close and closed her eyes. She felt the warm spark of Savita’s Light when she pressed her lips to her knuckles. It wasn’t the same, but it was still… her. It still felt right. 

She met Savita’s eyes and saw the wonder, the joy, the sheer love of living that she’d fallen in love with all those years ago. She needed to know, suddenly, if it was still in her song.

“Sav?”

“Yes?”

“Could you sing for me, please?”

She fell in love with her voice all over again. 

**Author's Note:**

> come stop by my tumblr @lesbianeliksni


End file.
